Big Mirrors and Little Meals

This week in my bellydance class I was quite pissy. I knew when I got there that I was in a sour mood, but was hoping that surrounding myself with some cool chicks and learning some new moves would help shake the pouts I had going on. I even took a scarf to tie around my hips in an effort to give myself the illusion of legitimacy. I yanked it off after ten minutes, deciding I looked like a poser.

Part of the way through the class I was getting pissed off at the person I was seeing in the mirror. It's impossible not to compare myself with the other women in the class, no matter how I try to focus only on my own efforts. They're cool, but they're young and skinny...There is one woman who may be in her mid-thirties, but the rest are all in their 20's, and most have been dancing for a while and have slim, toned tummies. Of course I realize that an intelligent woman in her 40's would not compare themselves to women in their 20's.... this realization leads me to question my intelligence. But even if I didn't compare myself to my classmates - I just didn't like what I saw when I looked at myself.

I was able to keep from crying, but it wasn't easy. I even considered pretending to feel badly and just leaving, but I stuck it out. Success!!

See, a happy ending! You weren't expecting that, were you?

In addition to spending a long 60 minutes watching my fat ass doing Arabics and Egyptians, Choo Choos, Chest Thrusts, and Camel Walks (completely different than camel toes, thank god), I also went home from my class and chose to have a little bowl of All Bran for dinner, saving myself a lot of calories and additional feelings of self-loathing. By the time I went to bed I was feeling better about myself. But it wasn't easy.

The word for the week is PERSERVERANCE. Making healthy choices isn't easy - if it were, we'd all look like Jillian Michaels. Instead, it takes constant diligence and self-awareness. I'm in touch with my self.. now I need to make the self a self I don't mind seeing in a floor-to-ceiling mirror.